Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient So As To Meet Girls And Relate To Girls
Last week one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even if things are going great.
The truth is it's not at all an easy question to answer as it differs for every person. There are actually entire books which have been written on that subject only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you might start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be scary - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.
The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant method to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially scary. So while I am approaching an attractive woman in a party, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of others.
If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to relax, get cozy, and just listen to music at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. Whenever you feel uncomfortable and fearful simply try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as scary and enables you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to relate to them very quickly.
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